Phone-a-Friend: Marisa Meltzer’s Favorite Things
11/20/16 - In this special phone-a-friend edition of Call Your Girlfriend, Amina catches up with core lady and top-notch writer Marisa Meltzer to talk about Instagram models, rooftop seduction, and their holiday gift obsessions.
Transcript below.
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CREDITS
Producer: Gina Delvac
Hosts: Aminatou Sow & Ann Friedman
Theme song: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
LINKS
Namechecking the LA hippie florists of Instagram
TRANSCRIPT: PHONE-A-FRIEND: MARISSA MELTZER’S FAVORITE THINGS
Ann: Welcome to Call Your Girlfriend.
Aminatou: A podcast for long-distance besties everywhere.
Ann: I'm Ann Friedman.
Aminatou: And I'm Aminatou Sow.
Ann: And every other week we'll be bringing you a special phone-a-friend episode between either Aminatou or me and one of our rad pals.
Aminatou: This week I called up one of our core lady and very talented writer friends Marisa Meltzer.
Ann: Yes, love Marisa.
Aminatou: Ugh, I had such a blast. I don't understand why this woman isn't a religious cult leader yet because I would follow her anywhere.
Ann: I know you and I have both stayed at her apartment and anyone who lives like that I would follow into any cult-like situation.
Aminatou: I know. Well, to be fair she's my own personal lifestyle guru so it's perfect. Her style is on point. Her life is on point. You know, if you need any more convincing check out her archive at elle.com or in the New York Times or the many places that she writes online. It's just very exciting when you find another woman who has the same taste level as you.
Ann: Yes, an elevated level of taste.
Aminatou: Exactly, and you get to bond over it. So we talked about our high school selves, Oprah's favorite things, 2K15 and our very weird Instagram obsessions.
Ann: Ugh, great.
[Theme Song]
(1:35)
[Interview Starts]
Aminatou: Today I want to welcome writer and amazing lady Marisa Meltzer to the show. Hi, Marisa.
Marisa: Hi!
Aminatou: This is so fun!
Marisa: I know, it's so fun! You and I never actually talk on the phone.
Aminatou: You know, that's true. Well, I don't think that's true. You're one person that I make like phone time for but we do text a sick amount of like texting.
Marisa: Yes, we do. Yeah. Like people will be like "You and Amina are close," and I'm like we literally text all day every day. [Laughs]
Aminatou: All day. No, it's true. I think more than anybody you probably know what's going on with me on a daily basis. It's gross. [Laughs] You'll be happy to know that I upgraded my cell phone to an unlimited text plan because for the first time in my life I . . .
Marisa: I was responsible for your overage fees?
Aminatou: You know, it's something like that. It was just I didn't even know, because you know when you use iMessage it's like who's even keeping track of that stuff?
Marisa: Yeah.
Aminatou: Then I got a menacing note from AT&T and they were like "You've gone over your allotted texts," and I was like I thought I was on an unlimited text plan. Like that's weird.
Marisa: You know, what is this? 2003?
Aminatou: Ugh, they're so rude. They're so rude at the phone company. Well Marisa really today I want to talk about you. You've been writing about feminism and teens and really cool fashion and woman stuff forever and ever and ever.
Marisa: Yeah.
Aminatou: You co-wrote this wonderful book How Sassy Changed My Life and have basically been at the vanguard of documenting how teen girls are doing low-key revolutionary shit forever and ever.
Marisa: I think so, although you know, it's like now that I'm . . . the older you get and the farther you get away from your teen years I think the harder it is probably. Don't you think? Like I was reading about that magazine Oh my Vlog which I . . .
Aminatou: Oh my god.
Marisa: Which is for people who aren't as lost in the world as maybe we are, it's like a magazine about YouTube stars. It's like Tiger Beat for YouTube stars. And I'm so obsessed with YouTube stars.
(3:50)
Aminatou: Oh, I'm obsessed with them. I used to work with them at work and they're just like . . . they're their own special breed of human beings.
Marisa: Yeah! All the guys have the same haircut.
Aminatou: They all have very well-lit bedrooms.
Marisa: [Laughs] The bedrooms are all decorated the same and it feels like they all live in the same prefabricated, shitty condos in L.A.
Aminatou: I'll give you one dirty secret that you probably already know, that for the ones who do really well they have access to these YouTube studios around the country.
Marisa: I did know that. Yeah, yeah.
Aminatou: And yeah, surprise, that's where the good lighting and all of that stuff comes from. But I mean I respect the hustle. It's a good hustle. I just can't imagine being a teen with video being so prevalent.
Marisa: Yeah. I mean I often play that game -- I'm sure you do too -- where you're like what would my social media or consumption habits be if I were a teenager right now?
Aminatou: I mean obviously we would be winning. We would be winning. We would be like the popular kids.
Marisa: I mean I was never a popular kid as a teen so . . .
Aminatou: Oh, really? I was really popular in high school.
Marisa: Oh.
Aminatou: You were not popular in high school?
Marisa: Not at all. I mean I was kind of like a baby hipster. I think I was a little bit like that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon realizes that she was just a real bitch.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: Like I didn't go to my prom because I felt like I was really above it and didn't want to be the kind of person who went to her prom.
Aminatou: I mean obviously.
Marisa: You know, I went to punk shows all the time. I had friends -- good friends -- but no, definitely not popular.
Aminatou: You were popular. You just didn't know it.
Marisa: I am not . . . this is not me being humble in any way. I was not popular. Like people on Facebook that I'm friends with from high school, I'll see them reminiscing about like parties. [Laughs] I was not invited to a single one of those parties. I was like oh, there were parties?
Aminatou: When you . . . you have a lot of distance from high school, it's how you realize the people who kind of had it going on in high school, that was the extent to which they had it going on. That's not actually the prize.
(5:54)
Marisa: For sure, and I'm not going to name names but there definitely are people who I went to high school with who are now like . . . not to say anything bad about stay-at-home moms but they're just real boring. Let's put it that way. They have boring-looking kids and boring-looking lives. I don't know. Unfulfilled promise.
Aminatou: Yeah, unfulfilled promise. That's how I feel sometimes. There are all these people I know I shouldn't be Facebook friends with but it's a sick voyeur world.
Marisa: Oh, it's amazing. It's like heroin for me.
Aminatou: Exactly. And I'm just like oh, man, the last good day you had was probably like junior year banquet. That's crazy.
Marisa: That's why I think that women need weddings because so many women, that's going to be the most exciting day of their life. And I'm like I had two book parties.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: I don't need a fucking wedding. I've had more than one party that was all about me and I invited many people I knew and many people I didn't know and my dad came and I wore a hot dress and it was about something I worked really hard on.
Aminatou: I know. You also have really rocking birthday parties I must say.
Marisa: Yeah.
Aminatou: You have a birthday party I like attending every year and I say this as somebody who is not down for desserts.
Marisa: [Laughs]
Aminatou: But your cake and ice pop situation is always popping.
Marisa: Yeah. I feel very strongly about, you know, I just have parties with stuff that I would want at parties so there's just always a lot of cake, guacamole, fancy mineral water.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Like the best snacks.
Marisa: Weed in many forms, like a lot of Rose.
Aminatou: Yeah. You know, well the other reason I really want to talk to you today is because you're hands down the best shopper I know and you give the best recommendations.
Marisa: On the DL. [Laughs]
(7:50)
Aminatou: I know you're trying to keep it on the DL and I'm not going to ask . . .
Marisa: It's something my friends know about me, but it's one of those things where I look at Oprah's favorite things or like Goop and I think "I could do that." Which it's probably much harder than it seems but I'm like I could be a lifestyle sensei.
Aminatou: I don't know. I think that being a taste maker is not hard but it is innate. Like you can't really learn it.
Marisa: True.
Aminatou: You know, I don't think you can teach good style to people.
Marisa: No.
Aminatou: That's the difference between fashion and style, Marisa. Some people have one; some people have the other. [Laughs]
Marisa: Noted!
Aminatou: Noted.
[Ads]
(9:55)
Aminatou: Obviously the holidays are right around the corner so Queen Oprah has blessed us with her favorite things. 2K15.
Marisa: Read it today.
Aminatou: Give me top-line thoughts because I have feelings.
Marisa: Well, okay, I think that whenever it was -- maybe it was like post-2008 or post-OWN that she toned it all down and stopped giving people electronics and cars and paying off their mortgages or whatever it definitely lost a little luster for me. It just kind of reminds me of the gift guides that I and every other person who has ever published anything receive between May and like December basically for present curation. It's just like yeah, it's a cool pair of sweatpants.
Aminatou: Listen, the Gap pants on there are legit. I'm probably going to change into them right after we talk about this.
Marisa: I'm wearing Lululemon pants right now so I don't know what that says about me. I did like the sweatshirt or like the sleep shirt that said I've talked to my therapist about you.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: That felt real. I like the idea of the peanut butter chocolate banana cake. I love an edible -- like a perishable gift. That's very exciting to me.
Aminatou: It's like the Snapchat of presents. It's like here now, gone in 30 seconds.
Marisa: Yeah, but it's also like I'm not . . . someone buys me a coffee cake every year for Christmas. I'm not from the Zingermans. I'm not going to buy myself a coffee cake. I get so happy every time I get that coffee cake. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Oh man, now I know what to get you for Christmas. It's going to be great.
Marisa: I'm really . . . people always . . . my friends will be like you're really hard to get presents for because it's true. I'm a crazed shopper and buy myself pretty much whatever I want if I'm being honest. Give me some smoked salmon or something. So exciting.
(12:00)
Aminatou: Oh man, I love this. You know the thing that was really funny the minute I glanced at it was I was a little disappointed because I was like oh, I can afford almost everything on here.
Marisa: Right. They're definitely making an effort, right? To make it more . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, but you know, seven years after . . .
Marisa: Less aspirational.
Aminatou: Seven years after the recession I was like where was this gift guide ten years ago when I was actually struggling? [Laughs]
Marisa: When you were like 20? Year.
Aminatou: Exactly. I was like yeah, I could've totally bought that Thomas Keller ad hoc salt cellar for 49 dollars. But, you know, that's not going to happen now.
Marisa: My dad's birthday is actually today and he is very hard to shop for. He actually told me -- he's taken up later in life, he's in his '60s, to become one of those guys who wears jaunty hats. He 100% wears fedoras while going to Gary Clark, Jr. concerts. It's amazing.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: So I didn't know what to get him and I ended up -- he's traveling so I couldn't get him something perishable which I usually do but I bought him the dumbest but maybe most amazing gift which is a monogrammed branding iron for steak. [Laughs]
Aminatou: [Laughs] That's such a good dad gift. That's such a good dad gift and he'll love it. You know, your dad has similar TV taste as me so I feel very fond of him.
Marisa: I know. I know. Paul. He loves Empire so much.
Aminatou: Paul knows what's up.
Marisa: He also watches every USA show that you hear somebody be like "Who watches White Collar?" Paul Meltzer.
Aminatou: Amina and Paul Meltzer.
Marisa: [Laughs]
Aminatou: I've seen all of them. If you're not watching Suits you're a fool.
(13:50)
Marisa: Yeah, he loves Suits. Yeah.
Aminatou: Suits is a good show, Marisa. I don't know what to tell you. You need to emotionally invest. It's like all about a kid who was basically a pothead but is really smart and he fakes being a lawyer. It's everything I want.
Marisa: Which is the one about the doctor in the Hamptons? I get them all confused.
Aminatou: Oh man, I always forget what that one's called but that's where my first aid kit is from. [Laughs] It's from that show, the Hamptons doctor show.
Marisa: Wait, they have a branded first aid kit?
Aminatou: A long time ago, four Amina lives ago, I used to social media PR for USA. And so I own USA everything.
Marisa: [Laughs]
Aminatou: It's like Burn Notice fleece, a poker set from another one of the crazy shows. But the first aid kit from the Hamptons doctor show is so legit.
Marisa: Did you know that Grey's Anatomy has branded scrubs?
Aminatou: Yeah, of course.
Marisa: My mom had some I'm pretty sure.
Aminatou: I have nurse friends I have gifted those to.
Marisa: Amazing. What can we use . . .
Aminatou: Shout out Melissa and Faith.
Marisa: Yeah, what brand extensions can we do for ourselves? What would I . . . I'm trying to think of what a good . . .
Aminatou: You I think should have a silky pajama line. It'd be very crucial.
Marisa: Definitely. Also honestly both of us. No one collectively owns more silk pajamas than us.
Aminatou: I know. Can I tell you a really shameful thing that happened to me recently?
Marisa: Yeah.
Aminatou: I bought these silky pajamas from Olots (?) and I was . . .
Marisa: Olots!
Aminatou: I was very conflicted about buying those.
Marisa: I love Olots, oh my god.
Aminatou: Because to quote Future it's a drought and I literally five minutes after I bought them got a call from Visa saying "Hello, is this a fraud alert on your account?" [Laughs]
Marisa: I get those calls so much. One day on Black Friday I did a little bit of shopping and got a call from Visa that was like "We have several charges from Net-a-Porter." I was like yeah, that's all me.
(16:10)
Aminatou: I know. And the calls are so shamey because I wish that they would send you an email or a text and you could just say yes. Instead you sit on the line and they go "Silk pajamas, ten million dollars. Did you . . ." [Laughs]
Marisa: Also it's always invariably when you're with friends.
Aminatou: Oh, always.
Marisa: Like at a restaurant you have to be like "Mm-hmm, hmm-hmm, mm-hmm. $850."
Aminatou: So, so shameful. Maybe we can just advise Visa on what to do with those calls. I'm like please make it a text or something else that is more discrete than this phone call.
Marisa: I definitely wanted to be on my soapbox and be like I don't think it was so strange that I was doing some shopping on Black Friday.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's not, you know? But with me it's like I know what it is. They're like all you're doing is buying fizzy water and ordering from Sprig and all of a sudden you've bought something else and so the algorithm catches you. It's like are you okay over there?
Marisa: Oh yeah. I feel like my algorithm, I don't know, they call me all the time. Also I get fraud on my card once a month and have to change it.
Aminatou: [Laughs] It's because you travel so much.
Marisa: I think I must be shopping on some real shady foreign sites.
Aminatou: That's because you travel a lot too. It's crazy. What are some Instagram trends or things that you're seeing that not a lot of people are talking about right now?
Marisa: Okay, I mean we could break down what I follow on Instagram.
Aminatou: Yes.
Marisa: And maybe that will help us.
Aminatou: What do you follow?
Marisa: I'm going to start with most boring to like . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, friends are so boring.
Marisa: Friends, sure, and more acquaintances. Bulldogs. I have a bulldog and I like to look at pictures of other bulldogs.
Aminatou: You have a beautiful dog.
Marisa: It's a shameful secret but it's my Instagram. Florists. I love florists.
(17:55)
Aminatou: Oh wow. Would not have pegged you for the floral . . .
Marisa: I know, I have a lot of secret interests.
Aminatou: I only know that one in L.A., Yasmine something. You know who I'm talking about.
Marisa: Yeah, I definitely follow her.
Aminatou: Yeah.
Marisa: There's Meta Flora in New York and I think they're in Chinatown, Sapua in Red Hook near me which is amazing, Fox Fodder. There's a bunch.
Aminatou: What? Oh yeah, and I follow The Sill because I love plants.
Marisa: Oh yeah, totally. We love The Sill. I'm staring right now at my Sill desk.
Aminatou: We're a Sill family.
Marisa: We're a Sill family.
Aminatou: It's true.
Marisa: What else do I follow? Antique jewelry. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I'm learning so much about you.
Marisa: I know. Oh, just sort of like ethereal lux LA hippies. You know what I mean?
Aminatou: Oh, okay.
Marisa: Like moon juice type of people, beatific LA women who, you know, live in Venice and Echo Park and always are making things with macha.
Aminatou: Yeah. I follow a lot of . . .
Marisa: And Jeffy Cam (?) and stuff like that.
Aminatou: A lot of Silver Lake Mafia moms. I'm like . . .
Marisa: Totally. Ugh. I mean that's like lifestyle porn.
Aminatou: It's so good. And I get -- we follow some rappers together and we follow a lot of . . .
Marisa: Right. Now we're getting into the more interesting. Rappers for store. All Kardashians and Jenners except I don't follow Kris Jenner because I don't care.
Aminatou: Okay, I also don't.
Marisa: You don't?
Aminatou: I don't follow her but I check in on her every day. I think I should just give her the follow.
Marisa: That's how I feel about the wives of my ex-boyfriends.
Aminatou: I check in every day but I don't actually . . .
Marisa: Oh my god.
Aminatou: I also don't follow Kourtney but I check in on her occasionally.
(19:45)
Marisa: Oh, I follow Kourtney. I'm really into her revenge body so I like to look at . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, yeah.
Marisa: I don't care about the kid pictures but I support her.
Aminatou: Yeah. It's just she doesn't post frequently enough for me to justify and with Kris it's just all PR for the kids.
Marisa: Yeah.
Aminatou: I'm like I've already seen this other places, but I do love her.
Marisa: And we follow a lot of Kardashian recap Instagram sites.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: Like paparazzi shots, photos of their outfits.
Aminatou: Yeah. Or people who take videos of the Snapchats. That's actually my deepest, darkest secret is that . . .
Marisa: Yeah. The one that posts all of Kylie's Snapchats is my current favorite.
Aminatou: I would say my Instagram is probably a quarter Kardashian content.
Marisa: Same. Same. And then what we've discussed before. I definitely follow a few models on Instagram, a.k.a. Karlie Kloss, Joan Smalls, etc., Bella Hadid, but I also follow a lot of what we would euphemistically call Instagram models.
Aminatou: Exactly. I follow a lot of Instagram models and then I check in on models who are on Instagram separately.
Marisa: I imagine them as existing solely in their bedrooms and getting DMs from Drake.
Aminatou: Yes, all day long, or getting requests to be in videos all the time.
Marisa: Yeah, for sure.
Aminatou: That's what their whole . . . because all of them always have that for booking contact . . . that's always . . .
Marisa: It sounds like a manager and it's really just some Gmail.
Aminatou: Yeah, that's always the tell-tale sign for bookings, do this.
Marisa: Right.
Aminatou: Which I'm considering putting as a joke on my own bio.
Marisa: Oh, that's really good. I don't have anything on my Instagram bio but I should definitely -- I should put that. I might steal that.
Aminatou: You should have a bookings email. Like I want mine to be like "For bookings contact my email, and no I won't listen to your mix-tape."
Marisa: I'm really proud of my Tinder line right now. You want to hear it?
Aminatou: Tell me.
(21:48)
Marisa: It's all that's in my Tinder bio is I own a hammock.
Aminatou: [Laughs] That is very . . . that's very compelling. That's very compelling.
Marisa: It's really good, right? It says it all. And P.S., I mean I don't need to say this, but I do fucking own a hammock.
Aminatou: You have the sexiest roof situation in all of Brooklyn. Like that's like fact.
Marisa: I have a good roof. I have a good roof.
Aminatou: That's a fact.
Marisa: And have I used that roof to seduce people? Hell yeah.
Aminatou: You know, as your house guest I have also used that roof to seduce people.
Marisa: [Laughs] I forgot. Everyone has. A friend of mine was staying with me and was like "Oh, this is so-and-so. You know he's spent the night at your home before."
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Marisa: I was like great.
Aminatou: Don't worry. People I've made out with listen to this podcast so they will appreciate the roof shout out.
Marisa: I mean I appreciate it too. I have my Tinder seduction down to a science with that roof.
Aminatou: I had to temporarily delete Tinder from my phone because the gamification aspect of it was getting too much and my thumb started hurting. And my therapist and I agreed it would be good to take a small break.
Marisa: I took a break for a while. I just get like -- it starts to bum me out or get depressed . . . not even depressed, but I just get like . . . I feel like it ends up making me more frustrated about men and my love life than before, so then I just have to like . . . I don't even want to see it on my phone. I don't want to think of those "Hey, what's up? LOL" whine messages you have to deal with.
Aminatou: [Laughs] And it also becomes this really mindless game. And while I'm all for making men feel the way they have traditionally made women feel . . .
Marisa: Sure.
Aminatou: Every once in a while I'm like these people are not pieces of meat. [Laughs] So you've just got to stop. But also truly my fingers were getting tired. I'm having some ergonomic iPhone issues.
Marisa: I mean I feel like that's maybe a trend story, people going to physical therapy for their thumbs.
Aminatou: You should for their thumbs and the index finger. It gets tired.
Marisa: That's how the magic happens.
(23:55)
Aminatou: Please, there were all those trend stories about how people who play video games have these really super-muscular thumbs.
Marisa: Right, the gamer thumb or whatever.
Aminatou: Yeah, people who Tinder probably have like gamer index.
Marisa: Oh, you swipe with your index? I feel like I swipe with my thumb. Oh, maybe I do with my index. I don't know. I need to . . .
Aminatou: I hold with the thumb and then I swipe with the index and that's why it's mindless because I'm also watching Hulu in the background.
Marisa: Oh, no, I hold with my index and swipe with my thumb.
Aminatou: Listen, this is a trend story right here. Freeidea.biz. What are you going to do with the rest of your afternoon? I hear you're packing to go on a fun trip.
Marisa: Oh yeah. I mean I never start packing until like an hour before but I'm going to London and then Brussels.
Aminatou: Ugh, hometown.
Marisa: Oh yeah, that's right, you totally owe me a list of your favorite Brussels hangouts.
Aminatou: Yeah, every place where you can have -- meet beautiful people and literally stuff your face with gaufre and frites.
Marisa: Moules? Moules-Frites?
Aminatou: Yeah, you're going to be fine.
Marisa: I think I'm going to do a face mask after this and maybe catch up on TV.
Aminatou: Same. Same. This is why you're one of my favorite humans. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, Marisa.
Marisa: Thank you. I love you. I'll talk to you soon.
Aminatou: You're the best. I love you and I'll talk to you very soon.
[Interview Ends]
Ann: All right, you can find us many places on the Internet, on our website callyourgirlfriend.com, you can download our show on the Acast app, or on iTunes where it would be awesome if you left us a review. You can also tweet at us at @callyrgf or email us at callyrgf@gmail.com. And you can even leave us a short and sweet voicemail at 714-681-2943. That's 714-681-CYGF. This podcast is produced by Gina Delvac.
Aminatou: Gina!
Ann: Gina!
Aminatou: [Laughs]