Twitter Ninja
2/5/16 - Podcasting in facemasks, we’ve got a news rapid fire, including the all-lady Congress during DC’s snowstorm. This week in menstruation, would you try a marijuana suppository to cure cramps? Amina as internet investigator with deep background on Kanye’s Twitter rant. And hate the caucuses but not Iowans.
Transcript below.
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CREDITS
Producer: Gina Delvac
Hosts: Aminatou Sow & Ann Friedman
Theme song: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
LINKS
Sign up for The Bleed
rapid-fire!! all lady congress during the blizzard / planned parenthood justice! / barbie’s new bod / awesome non-boy, non-dog childrens books
this week in menstruation: cramp-killing weed lube / tampon tax
celeb love/hate octagon: kanye/amber/wiz khalifa/blac chyna/tyga/all the kardashians
TRANSCRIPT: TWITTER NINJA
Aminatou: Welcome to Call Your Girlfriend.
Ann: [Laughs] Ooh, the sexy voice. A podcast for long-distance besties everywhere.
Aminatou: I'm Aminatou Sow.
Ann: And I'm Ann Friedman. On this week's agenda we have a rapid-fire news roundup featuring an all-lazy Congress -- during the blizzard -- justice for Planned Parenthood, Barbie's new bod, awesome children's books for not-white boys, and this week in menstruation several things plus a detailed breakdown of what's happening with Kanye and Amber on Twitter and a little bit of deep thought about the Iowa caucuses.
[Theme Song]
Aminatou: You think that's my sexy voice?
Ann: I thought it was -- I thought the way you did welcome. Sexy is maybe the wrong term. You have like a super warm, inviting voice that's like . . .
Aminatou: I love how you just downgraded me from podcast vixen to like comfortable mom. [Laughs]
Ann: No! Oh my god, warm and inviting is not comfortable mom.
Aminatou: I want to be sexy all the time.
Ann: I thought it was sexy! That's why my immediate reaction was sexy.
Aminatou: LOL. Mostly it's because I have a face mask on and I feel very relaxed right now.
Ann: Oh my god, let me tell you, I had a face mask experience this weekend. Friend-of-the-podcast Caroline and I were texting about having a low-key hang this weekend and she was like "Can I bring anything? Weed? Face mask?"
Aminatou: Stop.
Ann: And I was like . . . and I was like I'm well-stocked on both of these fronts. And then she was like "No, no, I meant like face mask actually made of the ganj."
Aminatou: So many questions. Please explain.
(1:55)
Ann: So, okay, having actually done it I will say this to you, that I experienced no contact high through my facial skin.
Aminatou: Ugh.
Ann: But I am looking very dewy and cute. It definitely is some northern California lady who makes products that feature marijuana essences, etc. Maybe I have absorbed some kind of calmness that I don't fully -- I can't articulate.
Aminatou: Yeah, dewy and cute is also always . . . more than sexy, that's the vibe I'm always going for.
Ann: Cute and dewy is a great vibe. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Yeah. That's, you know, I'm like I want to look like my face is moisturized and I look cute.
Ann: Exactly. So I mean I mostly enjoyed it in retrospect for the text message miscommunication where I thought she was referring to two separate things I enjoy and in fact she was referring to one product that combines them. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I mean, I know. You texted me this last night and then didn't follow up and I literally was thinking about it for 17 hours. I was like hello?
Ann: I was too relaxed to follow-up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to leave you hanging.
Aminatou: No, it's okay. It's okay. I was just like weed face mask, how does that work? Then the whole time I wanted to Google it for myself, but you know, it's hard when you are also doing the weed to look up these things. [Laughs] So I'm glad that you were here to clarify.
Ann: Here is the biggest negative point: the actual stuff is sort of this sepia color and so for two white ladies doing this face mask together we're like whoa, we're in a no-iPhone zone. We both turned our phones onto airplane mode, safe space, so it would not be recorded.
Aminatou: That's so funny. Well I'm wearing a full-on black face mask right now which these are my favorite things in the world. I'm always like I love it when I look problematic in a face mask. [Laughs] It's pretty good.
Ann: I feel like if anyone could get away with it . . .
Aminatou: Oh, it's black people obviously. Obviously.
Ann: Obviously, yeah.
Aminatou: Yeah, no, but there's this one that's really popular that I always see girls online wear and then all the woke girls are always like "Is it okay to wear this face mask?" And I'm like "It's okay to wear it. The question is is it okay to take a picture of it?"
(4:00)
Ann: And I feel that is true too though. It's like wearing this sepia-toned face mask at home I was like okay, there better not be any pictures. Let's put all our cell phones in the safety basket while we put this face mask on so there's no . . .
Aminatou: It's so good. When you run for a politician one day there will be no black face photos of you. [Laughs]
Ann: No black face photos and everyone will be like "She looks so cute and dewy! How does she get that look?"
Aminatou: You're going to catch the hearts and minds of all Iowans. It's perfect.
Ann: I mean there's nothing like being able to shout out home state cred even though I haven't lived there in half my lifetime.
Aminatou: Oh my god, so crazy. Okay, so what are our updates today Ann?
Ann: Okay, major, major headline/major key is that we now have an email newsletter.
Aminatou: Ooh! The Bleed!
Ann: The Bleed coming to you monthly in your inbox featuring links to stuff that we did not have time to talk about here, other cool things that are visual and do not lend themselves to an audio platform such as the one you're listening to, and other treats.
Aminatou: And because Google won't let us be great Gmail will probably catch this in your spam filter for some of you who are listening so if you signed up and you haven't gotten it, look in your spam filter, mark it not spam and . . .
Ann: A.k.a. the tampon of Gmail.
Aminatou: Exactly, the tampon of Gmail. Just a tampon string floating in the wind. So look in your spam folder, mark it not as spam, and if you're feeling especially generous probably add it to your contacts -- like add the email address to your contact list, and it'll land in your inbox every single time.
Ann: Ugh, the best. And if you don't already subscribe you can go to callyourgirlfriend.com/thebleed and get it there.
Aminatou: It's pretty rocking.
Ann: You know it's only going to get better too.
(5:50)
Aminatou: And also it literally comes out once a month. We're not going to bombard you with email. It'll be the most delightful email you get.
Ann: It's true. Wow, the most delightful email. High bar.
Aminatou: I know, very high bar. But you know what? I'm feeling very hopeful for 2016. Beautiful.
Ann: I wish you could see my face right now. It's skeptical but proud. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Skeptical but proud, the Ann Friedman story. Can't wait to read this book one day.
[Music]
Aminatou: Okay, well there's so much in the news I feel like we haven't covered. Some of it will probably be old by the time people listen to this but I feel like it would be a good idea to do a quick rapid-fire of some cool lady shit in the news recently.
Ann: First order of business for this podcast is the all-lady Congress that happened during the blizzard on the east coast a couple of weeks ago.
Aminatou: Oh my god. First of all, the fucking dream. Everybody who was like -- all the Congress ladies who were talking about this, the subtext was how ecstatic they were. They were like "There were no men in Congress today."
Ann: Even all the pages were women. Everyone who showed was a woman.
Aminatou: Yeah, everyone who showed up, because 1) men could not be bothered to show up in the blizzard, then these ladies fucking rule the world. It was great. Lisa Murkowski, Alaska Republican, you know . . .
Ann: Problematic.
Aminatou: You know, problematic on a lot of levels but that lady shows up for work every day and I'm like I can't hate on that.
Ann: Oh my god, her quote in the Washington Post about this inadvertent all-lady Congress situation was "Something is genuinely different and something is genuinely fabulous."
Aminatou: I know. I'm like you can't hate on a Republican lady who says that, please. She's the best. Also I love how low-key shady she was the whole time. She's like "Perhaps it speaks to the hardiness of women that put on your boats and put on your hat and get out and slog through the mess that's out there." And I'm like yeah, she knows. She knows.
Ann: Yeah, we've got a country to govern.
(7:55)
Aminatou: I know. Also, yeah, shout out to people from states that get real snow and don't have time for people who can't handle snow.
Ann: That's so true though, but much like the sort of old adage about dressing for the weather well, like you know, any weather you can truly handle if you're properly dressed for it, I do think that cities that do not know how to handle snow, it's because they do not prepare for it and are in a state of denial about the fact that they get snow.
Aminatou: Yeah, no, it's kind of ridiculous.
Ann: It took a pseudo-catastrophic weather event for us to see maybe what it would look like for there to be a Congress of all women.
Aminatou: Oh, man, the dream.
Ann: The world did not stop spinning.
Aminatou: The dream. Okay, the other kind of amazing story that came out a couple weeks ago is this -- ugh -- shout-out Houston, Texas. Remember those assholes who made the Planned Parenthood videos and just lied about how Planned Parenthood was selling fetus parts to everyone?
Ann: Yeah, the way that they pretended to be undercover journalists but they were really just slandering?
Aminatou: Yeah, they were just like big liars.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: So they got indicted this week in a fabulous twist of justice and nothing has made me happier.
Ann: Mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Aminatou: [Laughs] It's true. Shout-out Planned Parenthood. Keep fighting that good fight.
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: Ugh, so crazy. The other thing that's in the news right now that everybody's excited about is Barbie has a new body.
Ann: Okay, so many feelings.
Aminatou: I mean, you and I, we're woke so we obviously know what's going on.
Ann: Which is trying to sell more Barbies.
Aminatou: Right? It's like, yeah, hello? First of all the Atlantic had the perfect line about this. They were like "This was the oldest and most American of things. Cultural change by the way of capitalism."
Ann: Wow.
Aminatou: And it's like yes, you get it, right? Mattel's not stupid. They're going to increase Barbie sales probably like one million percent. Girls are going to have more Barbies. The old product gets a new life. Capitalism! And it's . . .
Ann: And I also -- sorry.
(9:58)
Aminatou: Oh, no. But I was like also never forget Barbie's just a wealthy, entitled brat who promotes capitalism everywhere she goes.
Ann: Okay, I also have to say this. As a very tall woman, another tall woman I know was like "Oh my god, now there's a tall Barbie." Let me tell you that if the real Barbie -- or the Barbie proportions were in a real woman, she would already be tall. I don't even feel any tall lady affinity pride for my own weird body type now being represented. It's definitely, I don't know, I feel like people who are truly, truly happy about this change, like oh my god, now I'm represented in this tiny niche of capitalism, I'm just like okay, let's have a deeper conversation about what's going on here. Yeah.
Aminatou: It's true. It's the same way I feel about the curvy Barbie. I was like if you were brave you would make a fat Barbie and that would be representative of a lot of little girls and they would get to see themselves in Barbie.
Ann: I would show up. I would show up for fat Barbie.
Aminatou: I would buy a fat Barbie in a heartbeat. But you know what? I'm saying all this slander on Mattel. I'm not going to lie, when I saw the Ava DuVernay Barbie I teared up a little bit.
Ann: Okay.
Aminatou: I was like if I was a little girl, and even though we were not allowed to play with Barbies at my house because my mom knew what's up -- she was like dolls? Please. No.
Ann: Sorry, pause button. All dolls? Like baby dolls as well?
Aminatou: Oh yeah, no, we did not do dolls in the Sow household. No way.
Ann: Amazing.
Aminatou: No way.
Ann: That's pretty amazing.
Aminatou: She was like "It's not intellectually stimulating!" And I was like that is true. Any time I would go to somebody's house that had dolls all the dolls were doing was having sex with each other. I was like that's fair.
Ann: Okay, what part of that is not intellectually stimulating? Here is where I speak up against Mama Sow. Sorry. Sorry, I have to do it.
Aminatou: Wow. Wow. Wow.
Ann: Sorry.
Aminatou: With the mom slander.
Ann: I know. But I have to say I think that Barbies were very integral to my intellectual development as a kid.
Aminatou: Listen, I think you can separate those two issues.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: Barbie having sex is awesome. It's not the only way to find out about sexuality and sex when you're a child.
Ann: No, but Barbie was a proxy for my future adult self.
(11:58)
Aminatou: You know, that's cool, but I'm going to hold it down for all the immigrant moms who don't stand for that bullshit. That's how we rolled in my house.
Ann: Fair enough. I'm just saying, okay, in my very conservative, white American household it was Barbie or baby doll. And the fact that Barbie presented an opportunity to play something other than mommy was a tiny step above. So not all of us were privileged enough to have an immigrant mom is what I'm trying to say.
Aminatou: I'm going to check my immigrant priv next time I check into this conversation. [Laughs] Wow, Barbie, so divisive in this family.
Ann: I know. Okay, what else?
Aminatou: Okay, well one thing we can agree on, I love reading about this eleven-year-old who . . . god, where's she from? New Jersey? Marley Dias, same name as my sister. What's up, Marley? And she's a really cool eleven-year-old, but this new thing that she's doing is this project called A Thousand Black Girl Books that she basically started because she was complaining that she was reading too many books about white male protagonists in her school, or to quote her, "Sick of reading about white boys and dogs."
Ann: Yes! [Laughs]
Aminatou: And I like died. I was like how can I support this eleven-year-old?
Ann: Wow. How do you become that incredible by age eleven?
Aminatou: Ugh, just I don't even know but she's the best. She's the best. And she has a fundraising website and everything and I'm sending her some cash and some books because she's like -- you know, young sheroes, so important.
Ann: So tell me, is she cataloging these or is she making a list public or how's she doing . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, so she's going to catalog all the donated books and then take them to a children's book drive in Jamaica.
Ann: Incredible.
(13:48)
Aminatou: And then her and her mom at the same time are also starting a small library in Philadelphia.
Ann: Ugh, yes!
Aminatou: So so many things. Yeah, so she's trying to collect a thousand books by very soon. It's the best. What else? Oh, this -- I feel like we've both seen this on the Internet, this whale or shark lady who was just tired of being in a tank with all the other bro animals.
Ann: [Laughs] And she just straight-up ate the male shark.
Aminatou: Yeah. It was a shark, right? And she was like "Yo, don't hit me in this tank. It's too small here for both of us." And he brushed her again and she just ate the fuck out of him. I'm like that's amazing.
Ann: Also I just Google searched lady shark and it definitely led me to the news results that I wanted which are "Lady shark gobbles male roomie in one gulp."
Aminatou: I just, yeah, I read that, like just the headline on a day when I really needed to read it, and I was like nobody can mess with me today.
Ann: Listen, it's a personal space issue. The article I read was like "He kept bumping into her." And you know how -- I remember reading about a woman who, god, I don't even remember where this was, but she was saying she did an experiment where she was talking down the street. And you know how occasionally you're walking towards a man and it's not clear who's going to step aside?
Aminatou: Yeah.
Ann: And she decided that she was not going to step aside for a week, and she's like "Yeah, I've been full-on running into men all week because they always expect women to step aside first." And the shark in South Korea was like "I'm not having it!"
Aminatou: Man, that shark is the best. She's like stop encroaching on my territory and I was like yes.
Ann: [Laughs]
[Music and Ads]
(19:08)
Aminatou: Okay, do we have some menstruation news this week?
Ann: We also have many items of menstruation news, of course, one of them being that there is now apparently something -- I'm air quoting, you can't see me, this is audio -- called weed lube which is . . .
Aminatou: What?
Ann: A vaginal suppository designed to ease menstrual cramps.
Aminatou: That's a lot to take in.
Ann: I mean suppository's a tough sell, not going to lie.
Aminatou: Suppository is a very tough sell, like definitely not going to lie. Okay. So I guess my real question is does it actually work?
(19:45)
Ann: I mean there is an article in Broadly that sort of says "I tried it" and a one woman's result sort of thing and she says within 20 minutes her cramps totally disappeared.
Aminatou: But how is this different than just smoking a joint?
Ann: Exactly, so it's unclear. But it's made of cocoa butter, THC, and CBD.
Aminatou: Wow. Man, you pulled me back in.
Ann: The holy trinity. The holy trinity of substances, like really good.
Aminatou: You really pulled me back in with that cocoa butter. I was not into it then you were like cocoa butter suppository and I was like whew, I don't . . .
Ann: Okay, but I'll be honest with you, maybe it's because I have a lot of friends at the age where they are pregnant and having kids but when I read this article I was like what could this do for childbirth?
Aminatou: I mean, yeah, that's fair. I'm just like suppository's a hard sell for me. That's still where I'm at.
Ann: Yeah, I also don't know, I mean very relevant to our earlier conversation about the weed face mask which I have to tell you did not have any facial cramp soothing properties, I don't know, maybe we need to do a test drive of this ourselves. I would use a suppository for the sake of science.
Aminatou: You know, I'm really down with you using it and telling me all about it.
Ann: Fine. I'm happy to guinea pig this one.
Aminatou: Okay, please do. This is . . . man, is there anything people won't do these days? This is crazy.
Ann: Whatever, we live in California. This is not that crazy.
Aminatou: Hmm, you know what? I could be down with this.
Ann: See? You don't want to let me try this alone.
Aminatou: No, it's because I was really stuck on the delivery mechanism that I was like, you know, when you get a yeast infection, you're technically using a suppository to . . .
Ann: Exactly. If you're using a tampon without an applicator it's like how different is that really?
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm warming to this. I'm warming to the idea of this. But it also just feels like a colossal bad idea. It feels like eating an entire weed brownie. That's how I feel about it.
Ann: I don't know. I guess I never . . .
Aminatou: I'm just like it's too close to the bloodstream.
Ann: Like it will be absorbed too quickly?
Aminatou: I'm like I don't know about this.
Ann: I mean try it on a low-key night, that's all I'm saying.
Aminatou: Yeah, try it on a low-key weekend. You never know.
Ann: Ugh, all right. [Laughs]
(22:00)
Aminatou: I can't wait to call my doctor and be like "My vagina is high. Can you help me please?" [Laughs]
Ann: Like "Hi, for the sake of my podcast I want to try this weird product that made my vagina high."
Aminatou: Yeah, but you know, as somebody who suffers really intense muscle spasms somebody should try it.
Ann: I know. I also -- I also definitely had a thought where the fact that it's called weed lube, I'm like is this actually meant to be some kind of sex toy/partner play situation and they're just couching it? Anyway, I just think there are a lot of possibilities with anything called weed lube. That's all I'm saying.
Aminatou: I know, it's crazy. Okay, the other thing that I read about that actually made me -- it made me laugh and made me sad at the same time, it's amazing, it's like here's the headline -- "Obama just found out about the tampon tax and he is not a fan." [Laughs]
Ann: Subtitle, "Obama lives with three women."
Aminatou: I know, right? No, four women.
Ann: Oh yeah, you're right, four women.
Aminatou: Yeah, because the grandma lives there too.
Ann: I forget. Sorry. Sorry.
Aminatou: I know. Also I'm going to say five because Valerie Jarrett is so close to them. Please. So yeah.
Ann: As he himself has reminded us he's surrounded by a lot of strong women.
Aminatou: Exactly. [Laughs] Barack Obama, our -- you know, 40-something-year-old man, or he's 50 now right?
Ann: Girl, he's not 40 anymore. He just . . .
Aminatou: I said 40-something year old.
Ann: Okay, okay.
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm like all of these years, leader of the free world, just finding out about the tampon tax. So anyway the context is that he was talking to these YouTube stars and one of them, Ingrid Nilsen who has a really cool channel that you should check out if you don't already, she asked him about the tampon tax. And I was like oh, why has nobody else thought about asking this? So thank you YouTube star Ingrid Nilsen for doing the Lord's work.
Ann: Well, the reality is because it's typically a state-level issue, not to give Obama a pass on weighing in on this, but the tampon tax is not federally-determined which is probably why. Anyway, yeah.
Aminatou: I know. No, agreed. I just want somebody to do something about it for me.
(24:00)
Ann: Yeah, I was going to say maybe we should back the tampon truck up slightly because I actually don't think that this idea has gotten a ton of play, the fact that they're taxed as a luxury item.
Aminatou: It's kind of a European thing.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: Because in all of my French news, in all of the non-American news that I read, it's there all the time.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: And it's a thing that since high school I've been very aware of and talking about.
Ann: And exactly, that's what I'm trying to say, I actually don't think that this is an issue that the dumb does your future president wear boxers or briefs or bikinis or thongs or whatever is a higher profile question than something like this.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: I just don't think Americans actually talk about it a lot, including women.
Aminatou: So, okay, everybody's job is to start talking about the tampon tax from now on.
Ann: Loudly bitching about it.
Aminatou: I know, because it's very annoying. You know, I think Jessica Valenti actually wrote something about it.
Ann: She did, yeah.
Aminatou: I've been dreaming this, or maybe it's true. It's true, right? She did.
Ann: She did and she suggested that maybe tampons should be subsidized or provided for free which is not crazy given they are a critical item for health and hygiene. And she got all kinds of insane conservative hate about it.
Aminatou: No, I know. Any time I go, if I'm considering taking a new job or whatever or I'm in somebody's office, I always make a point to peek at the bathroom. If they don't have tampons I know it's usually a place I don't want to be associated with.
Ann: Oh my god, this is how I know you've had amazing new economy employment. I have never worked anywhere that has provided tampons.
Aminatou: What? Tech companies just keep you swimming in tampons. And I'm also always the person who's writing into the whoever's in charge of that kind of maintenance and I'm like "Hey, can you step up the quality of these products please?" Because I see you. They give them to you but begrudgingly.
Ann: My vagina is not weed lubed today and therefore I'm going to need a nicer tampon. [Laughs]
(25:50)
Aminatou: Yeah, it's interesting. So it's like Facebook has the nicer pads but I think Google has nicer tampons and then where was I recently where they had . . . I was in some VC office where they just had everything and I was like this is beautiful.
Ann: I truly hope that during that special all-women session of Congress there was a five-minute addendum at the end where they were like "Okay, can we order the luxury tampons with the congressional budget now that the dudes are not here? Great, done. Rubber stamp. Go home."
Aminatou: Right? And can you please provide some options for all of our sisters who don't use tampons or pads?
Ann: Exactly.
Aminatou: That's the dream one day.
Ann: I mean fingers crossed.
Aminatou: Ugh, yeah. One day when all the men are gone this is how we'll . . .
Ann: I thought you were going to say one day, the Obama diva cup interview . . . [Laughs]
Aminatou: Ugh. Step too far. But you know what? I support all diva cup wearers.
Ann: We've had this convo before. Just because you don't wear one doesn't mean you can't support women who do.
Aminatou: Exactly. Oh man, now I really want to hear this Australian girl rapping against the tampon tax from the summer. Do you remember? Do you remember her song? It was like a parody of the Drop It Like It's Hot.
Ann: I do. I do remember. Maybe just a little snippet.
[Music]
Aminatou: Well this is the news that everybody came here for. Like let's be real, this is why we had to have the lightning round because we're going to give you a full breakdown of the Kanye West/Kardashian/Amber Rose/Blac Chyna triangle that is happening right now.
Ann: Oh my god, what shape is it? Is it a pentagram at this point?
Aminatou: Octagon. It's just like insane. Okay, do you want me to break it down?
Ann: Please give it step-by-step. What happened first?
Aminatou: [Sighs] Let's start way back when. In 2007, 2008 -- 2008 -- Kanye West, a rapper, now a Kardashian, started dating this beautiful woman named Amber Rose. [Music] Amber Rose is awesome. She's a feminist. She's so down for a lot of lady causes and she was his muse.
(28:00)
Ann: She's also sharp as a fucking tack, it should be noted.
Aminatou: Oh yeah. So Kanye and Amber date for like two years, very tumultuous. When it ends he writes an entire album about her, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Important Amina/Ann album. [Laughs]
Ann: So much drunk dancing to that album.
Aminatou: Oh, like I can't even start. It's all about Amber Rose. So it's like listen to it to get in the mood. So Kanye and Amber break up. Amber starts dating this rapper called Wiz Khalifa who has some hits but mostly is popular for being the second coming of Snoop Dogg and how much pot he smokes.
[Music]
Ann: Yeah, he's like a pot GIF icon on Tumblr.
Aminatou: Yeah, you know? But he's done some good shit for the culture so we let it slide. They have this really cute son, Sebastian, a.k.a. Bash. Amber and Wiz are married for like two years and then got divorced I think in 2014 because of cheating, but they're still friendlyish. Amber obviously still loves Wiz and they're in each other's lives.
Ann: And they have a kid together.
Aminatou: I saw that Christmas morning photo on Amber's Instagram and definitely Wiz probably spent the night. It was crazy.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: But anyway, pause on that relationship. In the meantime Kanye West had a kid and married Kim Kardashian-West. [Music] The whole thing is just a beautiful affair. Concurrently happening, Blac Chyna who is a model and eyelash entrepreneur is dating this rapper named Tyga who we don't like but they have a son together named King Cairo. King Cairo and Bash are like besties.
(29:55)
Ann: Also Amber and Blac Chyna, besties.
Aminatou: Yes, Amber and Blac Chyna are besties. But plot twist, in this era Blac Chyna and Kim are besties. So anyway, Blac Chyna and Tyga break up. And even after the break-up Blac Chyna and Kim are really good friends. There's much Instagram, taking pictures of their butts side-by-side and trips to Paris. When Tyga and Blac Chyna break up he starts dating Kim's little sister Kylie Jenner. Kylie is a minor. Tyga is not. It's like the day she turned 18 they were like "We're dating now," and we're like the last year of seventeen . . .
Ann: [Laughs] I got a boyfriend for my 18th birthday.
Aminatou: Yeah. As previously noted Blac Chyna and Amber Rose are incredibly close, like to the point where they wear matching outfits on red carpets together. Earlier last year Amber goes on this show called The Breakfast Club, talks about Tyga and Kylie, and she makes the observation that Kylie's underage. I think she said something like "Kylie's a baby. She needs to go to bed at 7 and relax. Why is Tyga -- why did he leave his girlfriend and baby to be with a 16-year-old?" True observations and also in this timeout I want to note that Amber had never talked shit about the Kardashians and even then she responded to something that she was asked. And also, real talk, we all agree.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: Anyway, Kylie has this older sister named Khloe Kardashian. We love Khloe but Khloe, problematic for so many reasons including this reason: she's always the one getting into fights. The Kardashians, you can hate them if you want, they always take the high road. They'll talk shit about each other all day but they never discuss . . .
Ann: Keep it in the family.
(31:44)
Aminatou: Keep it in the family. Khloe goes off-message and on Twitter tries to come at Amber and it was like an epic Twitter day. So Khloe's just talking all this smack. She's just like "Amber is a stripper. Stop talking about us in your interviews." Amber comes back at her so strong. She's like "Well, I'm a whore kind of like your sister so don't slut-shame me." I was like fair, point Amber. But at the end of the day Amber won. It was not even close. She goes "Lesson of the day, children, please don't try Muva," that's what she calls herself, "because I will humble you. Remember this."
Ann: Important lesson.
Aminatou: She has predicted that she will humble you so don't come at her. Days after Amber's interview Kanye also goes on the aforementioned Breakfast Club and he talks about his relationship with Amber and he says this really awful thing about how he had to take 30 showers after being with Amber to get with Kim which is awful. And Amber, she defends herself. She slips in a couple of shots at Kim. Like she's obviously hurt but she still says that she used to love him so she's not going to talk shit about him and then also famously tells him that she's not going to humiliate him because the Kardashians will humiliate him when they're done with him.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: Again, foreshadowing.
Ann: Too real.
Aminatou: Anyway, Amber and Blac Chyna have like the best friendship. They keep going to award shows. They wear matching outfits, like at the VMAs they wore the one that has all the derogatory stuff about women on their bodies. Amber hosts a slut walk in LA. It was amazing. You know, the entire Internet is there for her. At the slut walk she famously forgives Kanye for what he said about her. Everybody is like okay, everything is fine. I'm sorry this is taking so long but I had to give you the entire background to this crazy story.
Ann: I am living for this right now. Do not apologize.
Aminatou: Okay. And then what happens this week? Blac Chyna Instagrams a picture of herself and there's like a man's arm around her body. The entire Internet full of investigators like me noticed that that arm that is around her, the tattoo looks very similar to one Robert Arthur Kardashian.
Ann: [Gasps]
(33:54)
Aminatou: Brother of Kim, Khloe, Kylie, and the rest of the family. So Blac Chyna is hanging out with Rob. Khloe starts tweeting all these dumb, cryptic messages. Nobody cares. Pause. Rob for the last three years has been one of those Japanese reclusive kids and just been in hiding.
Ann: He's been like off-camera.
Aminatou: He's going through some sort of depressive episode and they hint at it on the show a lot and Kris Jenner cries a lot because she's very devastated. So anyway, Rob comes out of the woodwork on Instagram and then there was -- he posted this beautiful picture of Blac Chyna with no makeup on his Instagram, you know, clearly hinting that they're a thing now. The Internet is freaking out. It's like what is going on? This all brings me to last week's events. Are you hanging in there? Are you sitting? This is a lot.
Ann: I'm here. I'm actually gripping the sides of this weird desk thing that I stand at in my closet.
Aminatou: Okay. Okay. Kanye has been, for the last year, has told the world that his album that's coming out in a couple of weeks is called Swish. But he's now changed the name from Swish to Waves, presumably because there's a wave emoji and he can use that for marketing.
Ann: That's true, no swish emoji. I don't know, also something about swish feels very, for example, like you might use it as a slur or as something positive about a gay man.
Aminatou: Yes, exactly.
Ann: And we've all heard those rumors about Kanye. Maybe you wouldn't if you were worried about people making that association with you want to title your album . . .
Aminatou: But like it's Kanye. So anyway, he announces that he's changing the name of the album. He takes a picture of a legal pad with his awful handwriting. It's like we can't read half of the track list. I'm like did Nori write this? Unclear. He always talks about how he gets no respect in the design world.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: My man, stop using legal pads. Like get a Moleskine or a field notes notebook or something. This is so embarrassing. Anyway . . .
Ann: [Laughs] It's like a sharpie and a legal pad.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's so bad Ann.
Ann: Way too thick for the font size he's writing in.
Aminatou: Oh my god, and you literally can't read it.
(36:00)
Ann: That makes everyone look like a child as well. Like if you have a really thick marker and are trying to write small no one looks sophisticated.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's so bad. And on this legal pad everybody who's in the studio is leaving notes. It's like Kylie was here. Kim never left. Koko is here. You know, like so embarrassing. So embarrassing. He posts this on the Internet so everybody is like "Oh, Waves, this is what we're excited about." So remember Wiz Khalifa, Amber Rose's ex-boyfriend?
Ann: Barely, but yes. [Laughs]
[Music]
Aminatou: So Wiz makes this comment on Instagram about how he doesn't want Kanye to take wavy away. Wavy is a style of music that Max B who's like a political prisoner now, he's been in jail for a long time -- political prisoner is how I refer to any rapper in jail, PS -- that was his style, and Wiz is just like "Don't take wavy away from us." And then that's it, and that's fair. Wiz says on his Twitter, he's like "Hit this KK and become yourself." Anybody who peripherally follows Wiz knows that KK is Khalifa Kush. It's like his brand of weed or whatever. Kanye interprets KK to be Kim Kardashian.
Ann: Because he's paranoid?
Aminatou: Because he's paranoid and he's crazy. All of these tweets are now deleted but he went on this crazy rant and was like "Don't put my wife's initials on Twitter, Wiz Khalifa." Whatever.
Ann: [Laughs]
[Music]
Aminatou: Ann, seriously the rant was like 20 tweets.
Ann: I know! All of these tweets, these now-deleted tweets to me are one giant, cautionary tale against doing a thing that I think is tempting even for mere mortals but is apparently a crippling temptation for Kanye which is assuming that everything that everybody else does is about you.
Aminatou: Oh my god, preach. One of his things in the rant is how he made it cool -- him and Kid Cudi made it cool for black people to wear tight pants. False, that was Lil Wayne but whatever Kanye. He says to Wiz, he says "You let a stripper trap you." The stripper is their mutual ex Amber Rose.
(38:00)
Ann: Bad choices, Kanye. More bad choices.
Aminatou: Bad choices. And he even has a dig against the kid in there because he's just like . . .
Ann: [Sighs]
Aminatou: He's like "The only reason you have a kid is because of me." And I'm like hmm, way to see your exes as property Kanye. Bad. So bad. So bad.
Ann: Way to see all the women involved in this as your property, Kanye.
Aminatou: Exactly. He praises Kim for the same reasons that he disparages Amber and it's like . . . then there's this weird intersection of class and race. It's like it's because Amber is black that people feel comfortable saying that to her, but people say the same things about Kim and how her career got started and all of this stuff. And the whole point is that neither of those women should have to explain any of their past to anyone.
Ann: Right, and also . . .
Aminatou: It's not fair to compare them.
Ann: A man who has been in a relationship with both of these women should not be disparaging them publicly in this way, I mean regardless of the general court of public opinion.
Aminatou: Oh yeah, no. Kanye's . . . ugh, it makes me so angry because you know I love his music but this is such piece-of-shit behavior. Surprising to me, Wiz Khalifa takes the high road and he's like "KK's a weed." He's like "I'm just stepping out of this."
[Music]
Aminatou: And then Kanye realizes that he's made a mistake and he's like "Please excuse the confusion."
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: You think the whole thing is over, but that's when Amber Rose who is like a stealth Twitter ninja fighter steps into the ring at this point and goes -- in fact I'm just going to read it. She goes "Aww @kanyewest are you mad I'm not around to play in your asshole anymore? #fingersinthebootyassbitch." And then the index finger up emoji. This is the point that I . . .
Ann: Can I confess to something here? Which is when I saw that tweet I verbally out loud was like oh! But, however, I also felt a certain amount of shame because you should not be shaming Kanye for being interested in butt play.
(40:02)
Aminatou: I know, but here's the thing. Here's how I felt about it: if you bring up her kid and you shame her again, there are no rules. Nobody has to fight fair anymore because he has not been fighting fair.
Ann: I mean I'm talking about my personal rules which is not to shame someone for being into having their butt fondled. That's all I'm saying. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Oh, no, I think that's totally fair. I feel the same way. But at the same time I'm like literally when I saw that tweet of hers, Ann, I almost passed out.
Ann: I mean fair enough. Me too.
Aminatou: And I was like I can't handle this. And then Kanye deletes his tweets and she goes hashtag Twitter fingers, hashtag you're getting bodied by a stripper which is an amazing Drake callback. Died.
Ann: Best use of hashtags in the past two years I think.
Aminatou: Yeah, I know. It's like the whole thing is crazy. The feud is obviously not over because since this has happened there's an amazing picture on TMZ of Kris driving over to Blac Chyna's house because that's where Rob is living now and furious in her car. And because Blac Chyna was flying to LA that day, so it'd be just her and Rob at the house. And then get this, as soon as Blac Chyna lands at the Austin airport she got arrested because Kris Jenner is in the Illuminati and made that happen. So Blac Chyna also a political prisoner for a couple hours. And Kanye's album comes out in two weeks and so this whole thing is going to play out again. It's literally madness.
Ann: Hashtag Swish. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Hashtag so crazy. So there you go, I broke it down for you. I'm sorry I took up all of your time but that felt really necessary.
Ann: Oh my god, please do not apologize for being the only coherent person to contextualize what all of that was about.
Aminatou: And it's crazy. Also Kyle's nickname is White Chyna because they have the exact same aesthetic, just two different women.
Ann: [Laughs]
[Music]
(42:04)
Ann: We can talk about politics next time. We contain multitudes.
Aminatou: We can. We can. And my stance is that we should take the vote away from people in Iowa.
Ann: Okay.
Aminatou: They should not be allowed to vote in primaries.
Ann: I saw you tweet this and I 100% agree with you that people from Iowa should not go first. Iowa is not a representative state. It should not go first. But you can't take the vote away. Come on now.
Aminatou: You can't take the vote away. Aminatou, taking the vote away from Americans.
Ann: No! No!
Aminatou: I'm just so over it, Ann. I'm so over it. They go first. And also all of the news dominates about them and I'm like you guys, this is like one-tenth of the size of Bushwick, this entire state.
Ann: Okay, let me tell you this.
Aminatou: Why are we giving them this much?
Ann: The game that I play is reading articles, so I'm from Iowa. I have family in various cities in Iowa. Reading quotes in national news articles from Iowa, recognizing last names, is my primary season favorite game.
Aminatou: Oh my god.
Ann: They're all invariably the dumbest kid from your high school class.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: It's like, I don't know, they went down to the bait shop and found this person and were like "I found the person dumb enough to be portrayed negatively in the national press. I'm going to interview them, and then everyone who has never, ever been to the state of Iowa other than a drive through on I-80 while moving from California to New York can say oh, it's a bunch of total idiots who don't even deserve to vote." I'm sorry. The people who are quoted . . .
Aminatou: It's working, Ann. It's working. It's working.
Ann: Yeah, it's so annoying. Let me tell you that the most reasonable Iowans that I'm related to are like this is hell. When will it end? We hate being a first in the nation caucus state.
Aminatou: Yeah, also please, it's like Americans don't vote and that should be the thing that everybody's ashamed of. That's a bigger problem to me in our politics than anything else.
Ann: I mean a lesson from the Iowa caucuses, if you handed out cookies at polling stations maybe people would vote in normal elections.
(44:00)
Aminatou: [Laughs] Cold-blooded. Ann, you could give out coupons to Chipotle and free guacamole and people will still not vote because people are awful humans.
Ann: If you gave people free Chipotle at voting places more people would vote. I swear to god they would.
Aminatou: Okay, maybe somebody will fund the study. Hello? People in academia, the lesson of the show. Discuss.
Ann: Will people vote if you give them free shit and then can we pressure corporations to give away free shit at polling places? I want to use the corporate state to get more voters.
Aminatou: Yo, but RIP Chipotle though. Who was I talking to the other day that was like I'm still eating at Chipotle? Because you know there's a serious E. coli scare now.
Ann: Obviously.
Aminatou: Yeah, who was it? It was some very brave, bad-ass person.
Ann: But it's going to have to be a brand that needs some major, good PR points so Chipotle's a good candidate.
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm a loyal Chipotle fan, but I'm not going to lie, I have not been in a while.
Ann: Well I think that we can solve two problems by having free Chipotle at voting places.
Aminatou: Okay, cool.
Ann: And anyway, look, we just inadvertently discussed electoral politics. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Oh my god, yeah, no, so much Iowa slander these next couple weeks.
Ann: I know.
Aminatou: That's what you guys get for going first, you know? They should make it like a rotating thing.
Ann: Yeah, but I have to say the ultimate slander is being from that state and leaving as soon as you are legally able and never moving back. Like I have truly committed the ultimate Iowa slander.
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm living for Super Tuesday. I'm just like please knock all of these out on the same day. I don't give a shit about the caucuses. Tell me where the delegate count is at. That's all I care about.
Ann: Yes, same. Okay, until Super Tuesday.
Aminatou: Okay, see you on Super Tuesday boo.
Ann: [Laughs] Yeah.
Aminatou: Oh wait, we have to tell people about our LA event.
Ann: Oh yeah, March 7th in Los Angeles we are doing a live event with the incredible journalist Rebecca Traister.
Aminatou: Woo-woo!
Ann: She's . . .
Aminatou: I can't believe I just woo-wooed. Like what is wrong with me?
Ann: That came from a genuine place. But Rebecca wrote a book called All the Single Ladies about the history and political and cultural importance of single women in America. We're featured in the book. We're going to talk about it at this event in Los Angeles. You can go to allofthecygladies.eventbrite.com or go to our website callyourgirlfriend.com and get a ticket and say hi to us at the show.
Aminatou: Oh my god, I feel like I've signed out like three times. [Laughs]
Ann: I know, I know.
Aminatou: It's like see you on the Internet, Ann!
Ann: I know. I love how you keep trying to wriggle out, like you can find us online at callyourgirlfriend.com, on Twitter at @callyrgf. You can email us at callyrgf@gmail.com. What else? Oh my god, we have a Facebook page now.
Aminatou: Oh yeah, we do. I -- you know what? You can find that URL on our website. You can even leave us a short and sweet voicemail at 714-681-2943. That's 714-681-CYGF.
Gina: This podcast is produced by Gina Delvac.
Aminatou: See you for real now.
Ann: [Laughs] See you for real. For real see you on the Internet. Bye!